Welcome to Better Creative Habits!

The course for creatives who feel like they're not running their days, but their days are running them. With this course's help, you'll be able to drastically improve your life by turning your bad habits into better ones. 

For any questions or feedback, email me at hello@violetanedkova.com.

Lesson 1:

HOW HABITS WORK

This lesson is all about understanding the structure of the habit loop and seeing how you can easily change your habits by replacing one part. 

Lesson 2:

YOUR LIMITING BELIEFS

This lesson is about facing some of your most limiting beliefs, the ones that are stopping you from making progress and creating joyfully.

Lesson 3: 

YOUR CORE CHALLENGES

This lesson is about facing your core challenges, understanding how they relate to your bad habits, and coming up with ways to overcome them. 

Lesson 4: 

YOUR NATURAL WAYS

This lesson is about how trusting and honoring your natural ways will help you develop better habits and develop a better creative process overall.

Lesson  5:

TIPPING HABITS

This lesson is about how some habits are more powerful than others, and how they can produce the avalanche effect in your creative life/work.

Lesson 6:

MAKING HABITS STICK

This lesson is about helping you stick out your new, better creative habits and never go back to the time when you let your habits run your life.

Lesson 1:

How Habits work

 

Hey there rebel,

Welcome to the first Better Creative Habits lesson! :)

I don’t want to waste any of your time, we’ll start right away, and I’ll keep everything brief and simple because we're all busy and overwhelmed with too much information and in some cases, too many courses. (You, too?)

Let’s start from the beginning...

Habits account for most of our time.

It’s just easier for your brain to go with what it already knows to do for most of your day, and only when it's really necessary/beneficial will it stop, evaluate, and take risks and get out of its comfort zone. And the only way to make progress is to launch your brain into this process yourself.

“You have to evaluate what’s working, what’s not, and make sure nothing’s holding you back from your creative goals.”

Now...

There are many questionable habits that we accidentally or intentionally develop that stand between where we are now and where we want to be ultimately:

• Getting distracted easily
• Putting it off until the last minute
• Trying to make it "perfect"
• Overthinking, overplanning, overcomplicating
• Waiting for something/someone to give you permission
• Not distinguishing between important and unimportant tasks
• Starting new ideas before finishing old ones
• Not asking anyone for feedback
• Not asking for help when you need it
• Allowing resistance to stop you from creating
• Trying to control the creative process too much
• Not putting yourself “out there”
• Comparing your work with others’ work
• Asking for feedback too early
• Taking criticism personally

I bet you can relate to some of those, or even all, can’t ya?

We all know how frustrating it is to be doing something all the time and feel like you can’t get out of it. But listen--

Habits are easier to break out of than you think. 

To understand how that works, let’s look at their structure.

A habit is a loop that goes between a Cue, a Routine, and a Reward. The same elements are also sometimes called trigger, response, and reward. Here's a visual representation of that process (called a "habit loop"):

The above illustration is from the book The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg, who has studied how habits can be changed for individuals and corporations alike, and how to make them stick. After reading it I could never look at habits the same way again, and I never really felt stuck into one either.

The habit loop is a really simple process:

1. First you get the cue, which launches you into a specific behavior.
2. Next you respond by doing your routine, or what you always do when once you've been triggered by your cue.
3. Finally you get your reward, or the feeling of satisfaction at the end of your routine. And you get it every single time you do the routine. No wonder you don't want to stop doing what you always do!

Now, here's the thing...

Sometimes the cue is physical (like, your stomach growls, so you eat, or you do whatever you do to keep your diet), but most of the time the cue is an emotional trigger like boredom, overwhelm, or anxiety.

For example, you may feel overwhelmed by the approaching deadline for your book and your response is to engage in procrastination, which makes you distracted and therefore calm for a while. But as you know, it makes matters worse because the more you put something off, the more anxious you become. It's a vicious cycle, one that you need to break out of, eventually.

And here's where it gets interesting:

“To change a habit, all you need to do is to replace the middle part, your response to the cue.”

Just leave the cue and reward where they are, but change the routine.

That's good news because creating completely new habits is exhausting and most of the time it’s ineffective because you fall of the wagon since nothing really reminds you to do them. But when you already have a loop in action, you can simply utilize it to change your habit from “bad” to better.

For example…

You already have the habit of surfing Youtube when you get bored. And you don’t like it because you end up watching cat videos for hours. (You, too?) What if, instead of going to Youtube, you opened TED or grabbed your Kindle? You could end up getting a real rest or getting inspired and motivated, and that will improve not only your mood, but your creations as well.

Another one I've done lately is when I get that scratch to do something with my hands while I'm watching something on my computer, instead of reaching for sweets, I reach for a bottle of water. Eventually, you can't tell the difference. 

Obviously, it takes time and effort to make sure the habit sticks, and we can’t just change all of our habits at once (when each habit takes 30 days to stick), but if you just start with one simple replacement of a really bad routine with a better one, that’s doable! You can do it today even!

Take action. 

1. Think of a particularly bad habit you have.

2. Ask yourself, What is the feeling I get before I do this? (the cue)

3. Ask yourself, What would I rather do in response to this cue, instead of doing what I’ve always done? (the routine)

3.1. Your answer is your better routine, and therefore your better habit!

4. Replace your old routine with the new one as often as you can (for example, when you catch yourself feeling the cue, remind yourself of the new routine OR when you catch yourself doing the old routine, stop and remind yourself of the new one OR even better, make it really easy to do the new one by placing things in strategic places - I place my water bottle right next to my computer and never place any sweets there anymore).

5. The more you repeat the new one, the easier it gets.

So say I want to stop procrastinating on important tasks. I think about the feeling I get before I start procrastinating and it's almost always URGENCY. When I feel pressured to do something NOW (like when there's a deadline), I put it off. And the more I put it off, the worse my stress gets.

So I decide, instead of putting things off and getting stressed by this feeling of urgency, what if the minute I felt the urgency, I did it right away? And then a step further - what if to AVOID the feeling of urgency, I were to start doing things before they were due? So if I had to release something this Friday, what if I got everything ready by Thursday? That way, I wouldn't be stressed and there will even be time for last minute changes! And one step further, what if I actually removed all deadlines from my life so I wouldn't feel stressed?

And notice how doing something the "experts" advise - to put a deadline on it or tell someone you're doing it or put it on your calendar, etc. - would totally backfire on me because of the pressure? We need to be self-aware of how our brains work and how we react to negative situations before we adjust our habits, or the latter will flop, always. So if stress is motivating for your friend, it may be completely demotivating for you. (We'll talk about it on Day 4!)

And if I don't have a say in whether something has a deadline or not, I always just focus on doing tomorrow's work today, to stay calm. 

“The switch from doing everything at the last minute to doing tomorrow’s work today has truly made me a better creative/business owner. ”

Even though the exercise we just did is pretty simple, it's still a lot of work to identify all the cues (knowing what they are helps) and replace all the bad routines we've gotten ourselves into. It's impossible to do that, and it's not exactly something we want to be doing with all of our time and energy.

Which is why during this entire training we’ll focus on:

• digging deep and getting to the core of your bad habits
• focusing on tipping habits, aka habits that create a tipping or an avalanche effect that does more than just eliminate ONE bad habit, but overall improves your life and creative process

And that laser focus on what really matters will make a real change. :)

In the end, it all comes down to this quote: 

““If you want to live a life you have never lived, you have to do things you have never done.””

I read it in You Are a Badass, which I definitely recommend if you want to change your mindset and have a lot of laughs, too.

So... are you ready to dig deeper than you ever have before?

Lesson 2:

Your Limiting Beliefs

 

Hey there rebel,

So far we talked about some of the habits that hold creatives back and about the way habits work, and how we can change them for the better by replacing the middle part of the habit process (the routine, or response).

And now we’ll take a tiny step back and examine some of the other things that stand in your way when it comes to having better habits. 

Before we attempt to improve your habits, you have to be aware of these trouble-makers. Think of it as quicksand - you don't know what's happening until it's already happening, and that's exactly what these suckers do.

I'm talking about your limiting beliefs.

You’ve heard about those, right? They’re the stories we tell ourselves, the narratives running inside our heads, the voices that tell us what we can and can't do, and they're more often than not, WRONG.

They mean well though. You formed them when you really needed to protect yourself, but later when the threat was over, you kept believing them! And even though they are no longer serving you, but limiting your capabilities and your potential, your brain clings to them because they've helped you in the past.

And if something helped you in the past, it's hard to let go of it.

But you have to see what they really are. 

“They’re stories that hold you back from making progress, creating joyfully, and getting the things you want. ”

And there are so many limiting beliefs in the creative world!

Some of them you won’t even think are limiting until someone points them out to you and some others you'll really want to cling to, even though you know they're bad for you. (Hello, it's called a comfort zone.)

Let’s list some of the usual and most harmful suspects, to try and understand why you’re at the impasse where you have found yourself.

Limiting Belief #1:
"I’m only creative when…"

This is extremely common among creative folk.

Any way you finish that sentence, it is a limiting belief…

• I’m only creative when I’m inspired.
• I'm only creative early in the morning.
• I'm only creative when I've had a nice sleep.
• I’m only creative when it’s November and I have had my ears cleaned out.
• I’m only creative when my favorite team has won.
• Etc.

If you ask me, it’s not just some, they are all ridiculous!

The idea that you would tie your creativity to anything outside of yourself, and that you would make it dependent like that, is outrageous. You’re basically tying your creativity to this pole – like a dog – and saying, I’ll only walk you at these times of the year when these conditions are met. Understand?

Ughh – NO!

If I'm your creativity and you do that to me, I’ll vamoose and never come back when you beckon. And I'll pee all over your carpet. 

“There’s a big difference between feeling naturally creative and inspired and actually sitting down to create. ”

The former happens rarely and the latter can happen every day, and if you only do the former, then you'll always be dependent on your limitations.

And we both know who set's those limitations, right? ;)

What would happen if instead, you told yourself that your creativity is limitless? What would happen if you told yourself that your creativity depends on you showing up every day instead of waiting for the Muse to grace you with its flaky presence? Why not start a daily practice of showing up and creating?!

Today. 

When I started writing every day, it was awkward at first, and my old limiting beliefs were creating resistance, but in a couple of weeks there was no resistance, just flow. And I was better because of all the practice.

Now every time I write, it flows. Whatever mood I’m in at the moment.

This is something professional creatives KNOW - if you turn your craft into a habit, you will never be blocked or stuck or uninspired. When it becomes a habit, what you create will not be dependent on or tied to anything.

And that way, you show your creativity the respect it deserves! When you show up every day, your Muse will start to show up regularly, too.

“The way you treat your creativity is the way it treats you.”

It can’t be all fun and play, you're not a kid anymore. You have a responsibility toward your craft, so man (or woman) up and show up.

Fun fact:
Did you know that a lot of creatives start from a daily project? 

Suggestion:
Set a challenge for yourself where you have to create every day. Make it something super simple, so you can enjoy it and follow through. 

Example: Caroline Zook created one abstract affirmation every day for 10 months, and she ended up not only making it a habit, but also discovering her style, improving her craft, and making thousands of dollars. Huzzah! 

Limiting Belief #2:
"Creativity is sacred, so no…"

No forcing it to happen. No asking money for it. No using selling tactics to undermine it. No selling out. No forcing it. No changing it for other people. No creating without the holy aid of alcohol and drugs...

Ahem. What a bunch of bullcrap.

A lot of problems can arise from romanticizing anything.

I’ll tell you what’s really sacred… showing up and doing the work is sacred. Sharing your work with the world is sacred. Doing anything you can to make sure that your art is seen and heard and felt, is sacred. Whether that involves putting up a shop and promoting it on social media or not.

There is no such thing as “selling out.”

Look at the people who use that phrase. Have they made any money from their passion? Or are they feeling bitter about other people's successes and trying to make you them feel bad? I see you, limiting belief, but this is PRIDE talking.

They say "don't let fear drive your car," but you shouldn't let your sins drive it either. If pride drove the car, you'd never ask for directions when you get lost. If gluttony drove the car, you'd be stopping at every gas station. If wrath drove the car, there'd be a lot of road rage going on. If sloth drove the car, you wouldn't even be driving. And don't even let me think about lust...

I’m as much of an idealist as anyone else. 

“But I want you to recognize that you deserve to realize your creative dreams and to spread your “art” as far as you can because the world deserves to experience it.”

If that's selling out, I'm a purple cow dancing to Beyonce.

Limiting Belief #3:
"I’m not good enough, it’s not good enough."

By far, this is the worst thing you can think about yourself or your craft!

It’s not like you’re thinking it actively all day every day, but there’s an active script running behind the scenes and whether you can feel it or not, it’s there, and it’s screwing up your chances for creative success.

So what are we gonna do about it?

First of all, I am going to recommend 2 books to you, which my coach recommended to me, which have helped many women get out of this thinking. The first is You Are a Badass and the second is Playing Big.

I guarantee that if you read even a part of both, you will start seeing things – and yourself, and your habits – in a new, more optimistic light.

Take action.

1. Go to the mirror, look at your reflection and smile.

2. List what you admire about yourself, the things you've accomplished, that you're proud of. Compliment yourself. Do it for a few minutes.

3. If you can't do it because it's "silly," write it down.

When people do this, 2 things happen:

1. They have this amazing feeling of love and respect toward themselves. When I do it, I actually cry tears of happiness, especially if it's been a while.
2. They are amazed at how much they're accomplished in their lifetime! We humans have this "negative bias," which means we worry and fear more often than we brag or celebrate, but that makes the limitations worse. 

This exercise is so vital. If possible, stop reading and go do it right now. After, come back and read the rest of the lesson. And do the exercise every day because it’s one of those tipping habits that make a real difference

(We'll talk about it in Lesson 5!)

Anything to do with bettering your mindset has a great "tipping" quality, meaning it doesn't just affect what you want it to affect, but also kind of pulls everything else in a bundle of joy and positive change, and you're a better (wo)man for it. So the more you work on your inner dialogue, the better.

Take action. 

1. Think about your creativity, hold it in your mind.

2. Freewrite about your creativity and how you feel about it - do you feel great or disappointed? What exactly is it that delights or disappoints you about your creativity? Alternatively, write a letter to your creativity or a letter from your creativity to you, as suggested by Elin Loow.

3. Look at what you wrote down and identify any limiting beliefs you have about your creativity. You have to know what they say.

4. Brainstorm ways to change the script/story!

“If you try to change your habits while you hold onto your limiting beliefs, you will not only fail, but you will also spend a looong time with your best buds, frustration and helplessness.”

So yeah...

Those are my top 3 choices of limiting beliefs that creatives have, and if you can turn those beliefs around in your head, I guarantee your life - and creative process - will change for the better. Like I said before, there are tipping habits, but I also believe there are tipping beliefs. As in, if you believe them, everything else will revolve around them, and you won’t make progress or reach your goals or be a best bud with your own creativity because they're right there beside you every step of the way, whispering lies and tripping you up, making you self-sabotage and miss truly amazing opportunities to shine.

On the other hand, if your tipping beliefs are positive, your entire creative life and process will transform to accommodate your new belief system.

Finally, I have a story to tell ya…

The story.

My mother and I have always been into self-development books.

(Can you tell.)

So, often, when one of us says something limiting or negative, the other will say “let’s change the script” or “let’s change the focus.” This means that you take what you just said or thought and turn it into something much better.

It's a great strategy that has served me well for many years!

The other day a similar thing happened, except this time I corrected myself. (IKR!) It literally never happens, but this time I caught myself saying something like “I spent the whole day doing (this) when I should have been doing (that), how silly am I." But then, I realized that what I'd just said was limiting me to always being silly and doing things out of order and just doing everything wrong, and that this was no way to treat myself or my creative process.

So I said, "No, you know what? I needed the break, and working on that thing was FUN! I needed some fun in my day, so it's a good thing I did it."

And that was that. 

I went from beating myself up to congratulating myself on doing something needed. And I accomplished it in no more than 20 seconds.

So my final plea to you is:

“Watch your stories about yourself and your creativity and make sure they’re not mean or limiting. You deserve better.”

That's all for now. Let me know how you're getting on in the comments. :)

Lesson 3:

YOUR Core Challenges

Hey there rebel,

So far we talked about how habits work and how we can change them, and we talked about some limiting beliefs most of us creatives hold at some point in our lives, and how to change the damaging stories we tell ourselves.

Now we’re going to stop beating around the bush and go straight to the HEART of the matter: Your core challenges. 

First, let me explain what a core challenge is...

“Your core challenge is something that you always struggle with, something that you have always struggled with.”

I’m not talking about a bad habit that you have, like putting things off until the last minute. I’m talking about something that you find hard to do.

For example, maybe you can never complete your creative projects. Or maybe you can’t sustain your motivation for long enough, and so every time you’re working on something, it just sizzles out and gives way to a new something. In these examples your core challenges are: COMPLETION & MOTIVATION.

(And if those are your core challenges, no wonder you have so many bad creative habits! But don't worry, we'll tackle them in a bit.)

We're going to go through the following process:

1. Identify your core challenges.

2. Figure out what the reasons behind them are.

3. Brainstorm ways to turn them around.

Ready? :)

1. Identify your core challenges.

Before we can do anything about them, we have to first identify your core challenges. Think about the things that you find most difficult.

Here, I'll start with mine....

• completing projects
• staying in the present moment
• having confidence in myself (and my abilities)

Those are definitely my top 3 core challenges, and they are CORE because they affect everything I do: how I approach things, the progress I make, how I treat my creations, and so on. Everything stems from these challenges.

I already told you about my difficulty to complete projects. It's a really damning challenge because if you never finish anything, you'll never get it out into the world either and you'll beat yourself about being flaky, etc.

I also cannot, for the life of me, stay in the present moment. I keep hopping to the future (thanks mom!) because maybe the present is too boring? I don't know why, I just know that this discombobulated existence in the future is causing me to jump the gun on things, create products I probably don't need right now, launch a giant program that is slightly premature, etc.

Finally, the confidence thing AFFECTS EVERYTHING ELSE. The difference between having confidence in yourself and not having it is the difference between success and failure, between happiness and misery.

2. List your "reasons" for struggling with those.

Completing a project used to be my biggest core challenge.

I just couldn't complete anything for the life of me. I started many amazing creative projects, collaborations, blogs, and so on, but almost none were lucky enough to be completed by yours truly. They usually just fizzled out after a while or flopped because I couldn't sustain them the way I needed to.

And there are specific reasons for this:

1. I get easily bored.
2. I get too many ideas every day.
3. I prefer beginning over finishing because:
   • The act of finishing is sad because the thing you love is done.
   • The prospect of new ideas is always more exciting.
4. I am a sprinter, not a marathoner, and yet, I insist on overcomplicating projects, until they become so overwhelming that they are too much for me to handle, and btw, I almost never ask for help when I need it.

You see, my core challenge is so difficult because it's associated with all of these bad reasons and habits that I have built, and also associated with my not respecting my own process or how I naturally do things.

“Not respecting your process is the worst thing you can do!”

(But we'll talk about this in detail in our next lesson.)

Now it's your turn! List all the reasons for every core challenge that you have, and keep listing until you can't think of any more reasons. 

Do you have your lists?

Now look at them and check for:

1. bad habits
2. limiting beliefs, rationalizations, and excuses
3. going against your nature

We all do these things all the time. Your brain will rationalize (even in ways that aren't true) and it will always opt to stay in its comfort zone. But remember, progress and success do not live there.

For example, from my list I can see:

1. Overcomplicating things is a bad habit
2. Starting new things before finishing the old is a bad habit
3. The sprinter not a marathoner thing is true, but the overcomplicating things is definitely going against my simplicity-favoring nature
4. Getting bored and too many ideas are excuses for not sitting on my butt and working hard to complete what I've started
5. Etc.

“Listen, all of these things are making your life difficult and miserable, so it’s time to retire them. ”

3. Brainstorm ways to counter them.

So now that we know your core challenges and the "reasons" for them, we can figure out how to create better habits that specifically target those challenges and reasons. We can turn your limiting beliefs around, get rid of those pesky excuses and rationalizations, and go back to the natural way you do things.

What you can do from here:

• Change your bad habits by simple replacement (the one from lesson one) OR create new habits that will specifically target those challenges
• Turn your limiting beliefs and rationalizations around and just get rid of those excuses right now because that's not who you are
• Identify any instances where you go against your Nature and get rid of them, so you can go back to the way you do things naturally

If you remember, I said that completing things used to be my top challenge.

Now, I'm proud to report that it's no longer my top challenge because this year I have completed almost every thing I started (including huge projects).

Huzzaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

How did I do it?

First I made that list of the things that were stopping me.

Mainly, the things in my way were my limiting belief that I wasn't capable of finishing things (I fought that one by finishing something small and "proving" to my logical brain that I was indeed capable of it), and the other ones were my tendency to go against myself and not ask for help.

I was going against myself by making everything too complicated (which doesn't fit me), so my solution was to break down any big projects into small chunks or even better, just start small projects. Finally, I pushed myself to get out of my comfort zone and ask for help, including hiring a virtual assistant.

*insert horrified face here*

Actually, once you start doing the unthinkable - like asking people for help or hiring people to pick up your slack - it won't be as hard as you thought, or even if it is, you'll immediately feel relief because you needed it.

“And now, for the biggest thing that helped me with completing my projects - developing a daily habit of writing and learning to consistently create, whatever mood I was in.”

That was definitely my biggest tipping habit. (More in Lesson 5!)

Now it's your turn...

How will you take on your core challenges and win?

Take action.

Here are the steps we covered, plus something extra. 

1. Identify your core challenges

2. List all of your imaginary reasons for them

3. Identify what is a habit, what's a limiting belief, etc.

4. Brainstorm ways to change the habits by replacement OR create new (tipping) habits that will affect everything you struggle with

Experimentation is everything.  

I was recently reminded why experimentation is the most important thing you can do when you're attempting to overcome your limitations.

(I mean perceived limitations, of course.)

A couple of months ago I talked to my accountability buddy with whom I meet twice every week, and to be honest, sometimes we get sh*t done and sometimes we don't because we're not robots. 

Anywho, she told me about this tool called focusmate, and my immediate reaction was, I don't have time for this. Nevertheless, I tried it that same week and lo and behold, it changed my life. It's basically virtual coworking so for 50 minutes you get to work alongside someone, your cameras are on, your mikes are muted, and there's the accountability you need THE MOMENT you need it. Not before you have to do the task or after, but right when you're doing sh*t. 

Let's just say in 1 month I have done more work than I'd done in 1 year and that I've never done so much boring work either. I've had over 100 sessions with all kinds of different people worldwide, and I still use it every single day. 

And it's free... can this get any better?!

So if you ever automatically reject something just because you think, in your head, that it's going to take time or energy, try it first, to make sure.

If you want to have a focus session with a fellow rebel, go here. 

And let me know how you're getting on in the comments. :)

Lesson 4:

YOUR Natural Ways

 

Hey there rebel,

So far we talked about habits and your most crippling limiting beliefs, and then we looked at your core messages and made lists of "reasons" why you struggle with them, and even brainstormed on how you can override that. 

Now we’re going to talk about something most people miss:

The point of better creative habits is not to make new habits up and try to make them stick. The point is to build on your Natural Ways, as they are what holds the key to flow, to better habits, and ultimately, to success. 

So many people say things like:

• “I don’t have many talents, so I’ll just get a job like everybody else”
• “I’m so bad at this and this, which means I will never win”
• “This worked for him/her, so I should try it as well”

All of those statements are WRONG. 

The first one is wrong because you do have talents, and I wrote about it at length in this article.

It motivated a lot of people, so check it out.

The second one is wrong because as long as you’re focusing on what you CAN’T do and ignoring what you CAN do, you'll always be in that slump. If you want to lead a badass creative life, you must stop fixating on your weaknesses and focus on your strengths.

Here's a miniguide that will help you do this!

The third one is wrong because...

Different things work for different people. 

For example, if you’re a charismatic person, you’ll be a great vlogger, but if you’re an introvert, a blog or a podcast would be much more fitting than a video format. So if you look at all the people who vlog and think, I should probably follow this trend as well, you are putting yourself at a disadvantage! 

Same goes with habits - if you decide to take up a habit that some successful person had... again, bad idea. Go with what comes naturally. 

(The only exception is when your comfort zone says something is not you and the only way to make progress is to push through it. Uncomfortable things are not always unnatural, sometimes they're just scary and worth exploring, so before calling something unnatural, make sure it's not your fear talking.)

You shouldn’t do things you hate just because someone else does them. And same thing goes for habits. Don't just adopt a habit because someone successful did it once upon a time. It has to fit YOU. 

There's nothing wrong with trying different things, of course, but sometimes, even after you try something and it doesn't fit, you're tempted to continue. 

Your audience can tell what comes naturally and what doesn’t. Your natural ways bring you peace and joy and flow. And it shows. On the other hand, when you do something that doesn't fit, you look awkward and uncomfortable.

My theory is that:

“Flow happens when you step into your most natural state.”

We are all different human beings and in those differences lie our strengths. Trouble is, most people don’t think to look there when they want to improve their lives. Most people think they should become better at things they suck at.

D’OH.

But then you’ll waste your time trying to be someone you’re not!!!

What would happen if instead, you decided to focus on your strengths and forget about your weaknesses? What would happen if you tried to figured out what your Natural Day would be like? What would happen if you let go of your limitations and became a BADASS? What would happen if you reframed some of your weaknesses and tried to see them as hidden strengths?

Obviously, your life would improve. A lot.

Here are some recordings I've made on the above topics, and I really think that some of these will expand your mindset, if not all of 'em:

Hey there rebel! In this episode of The Rebel Reset we're going to talk about your natural way and how you can honor it by embracing and not ignoring it. Trust me, life is so much better when you go with your Nature instead of conforming to external expectations. In this episode, I'll give you some questions to think about and some instances from my own life. In the end, you're a rebel because you have chosen to be yourself. So go be it. Enjoy, good luck, and rebel on. :)

This secret lesson is about honoring your natural ways and gives you a few examples from my own life.

Hey there rebels! In this episode of The Rebel Reset, we talk about your perceived weaknesses and how they may be strengths in disguise. Everything you were born with is there for a good reason - to help you on your way. Today I want you to make a list of your "weaknesses" and see if there is a way to use them to your advantage. Good luck and rebel on!

This podcast episode is about how some of your weaknesses could be actually strengths in disguise.

Are you hustling nonstop, getting exhausted and burnt out regularly? Maybe this happens because you're imposing an unnatural schedule on your body instead of following the natural flow of your energy levels. Or you're not replenishing your energy reserves. So let's find what your Natural Day would look like! Good luck and rebel on. p.s. Coaching for Creative Rebels - violetanedkova.com/coaching.

This podcast episode is about how you must sync to your circadian rhythms and create your Natural Day.

Let’s look at some examples and see why they worked for me specifically and why they may not work for you.

It's hard to pinpoint when exactly I began my work with habits...

I guess my whole life has been about self-improvement, so when things like self-development and life coaching came on the horizon I was thrilled! Finally, a language I speak! But I didn't like reading those self-help books (well, most of them) because I happen to believe the answers lie inside of us.

Meaning if you want to change something, you probably already know how to do that, but maybe you need someone's help to see it clearly. So I have always enjoyed making my own exercises and coming up with my own systems.

It's just who I am. And it may not be who you are.

And that's OK! That's more than OK.

Each of us has our own unique blend of strengths and talents (which you can discover in Now, Discover Your Strengths if you take the free test). It would be so boring and crowded if we all did the same things in the same ways. It's a great thing that we are different!

So anyway, ever since I can remember, I have been working to improve myself. And creating better habits has been HUGE in that respect.

Here are some of my better habits:

• Doing tomorrow’s work today (to avoid stress)
• Writing daily even when I don’t feel like it
• Working with an accountability partner(s)
• Mini-goals and breaking projects up into smaller bits
• "Sucking" at something for 30 days (my fave!)
• Loving affirmations and meditation

Here's why they worked for me specifically.

• I get stressed easily and when I'm stressed, my work suffers, so priority #1 is removing stress at all times, if possible
• I get very self-conscious when I create, in a way that I would question something as I'm creating it, and the only thing that's helped is to make writing a habit, so I can friggin' do it and not worry about it
• I'm a rebel, so I don't do things when I say I'll do them, which is why working with an accountability partner helps me get accountable
• Like I said, being a sprinter not a marathoner makes it difficult for me to finish big things without getting overwhelmed and abandoning the whole thing, so I always break things down and/or keep them small
• I'm a perfectionist, so openly admitting that I suck at something was liberating and has led to some interesting creative projects, but if I didn't love fun challenges so much, this method wouldn't have worked as well (I'm referring to the 30 Days of Sucking challenge)
• I have low confidence in my abilities to get things done, so being "loving" with myself (hey sexy lady) and using affirmations, both during meditation and outside of it, helps me grow my confidence and think positive (because even though most of the time I am super excited about things, I am also just as likely to get on the negative train as anybody)

You see? Those are things very specific to me.

“Sometimes progress will be achieved when you embrace your natural assets, while other times progress will be achieved when you watch out for your natural pitfalls.”

Both are just as natural.

Which is why I recommend getting to know yourself REALLY well before attempting to change any of your habits. If you don't know yourself and how you naturally work, then you might run into obstacles on your path to better habits, which could have been avoided by simply seeing what's there.

To get to know yourself:

1. Take the Myers-Briggs test (free)

2. Take the StrengthsFinder test (buy the book or pay $20)

3. Take the Four Tendencies quiz (free)

Those three tests are likely to give you a ton of insights, not only into your strengths, but your weaknesses as well, and remember, don't try to change your weaknesses, just be aware of them and focus on your strengths. 

Finally, before you apply everything you've learned, wait for the next lesson because it's going to a) blow your mind and b) make everything easier.

In lesson 5, we'll finally talk about my favorite "tipping" habits, or the habits that change everything, not just the things they're supposed to.

I believe they are the key to true change. :)

p.s. Let me know how you're getting on in the comments. 

Lesson 5:

Tipping Habits

Hey there rebel,

So far we talked about habits and your most crippling limiting beliefs, and then we looked into your core challenges, the reasons why they're there, and how to tackle them. We also touched on your natural ways and how if you want to be in flow, you must bet on your strengths rather than focus on your weaknesses.

And now we're going to talk about my favorite thing:

Tipping habits.

Most habits are inconsequential. 

Sorry, but that’s the truth.

For example, whether you change your habit of washing your teeth after every meal or just leave it for morning and evening (or one or the other), it probably won’t change more than the health of your teeth.

And if that’s your main goal, do it!!!

However...

“If you want to make truly big and meaningful changes in your life and creative work, you’ll have to dig deeper.”

It’s a lot easier to change things by adopting a couple of habits that directly address your core challenges, rather than randomly change everything and spend all this time and energy on things you might end up reverting on.

The goal here is to make it EASY and to make it STICK.

What is a Tipping Habit?

You know that book by Malcolm Gladwell, The Tipping Point?

Basically this is why I called them tipping habits, because the tipping point is where everything changes. When something reaches the point of overflowing after consistent change. For example, if you post consistently on your blog, there will come a day when it will explode. That's the tipping point.

“A tipping habit is when you do something seemingly small, but after you do it a while, it changes your whole life. ”

And that's what we should aim at here.

I don't mean that you shouldn't create habits that are tiny and specific, but I do believe that we don't have time to spend all of our effort and energy into changing every single bad habit we have and trying to make it stick.

You'll just go crazy if you do that!!!

Rather, I propose focusing our efforts on those tipping habits that will affect not only the thing you want to improve, but everything. 

Let me illustrate... 

Imagine you suffer from perfectionism, and it’s really bad.

It’s ruining your flow, it’s making you exhausted, and it’s not doing you any favors or even making your work better, so it has to go. But before you tackle it, you think about what could be causing it. You do some soul-searching and it turns out that you’re not certain that people need what you create!

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat.

You definitely want to change that and stop wasting time, so…

You brainstorm some possible things you can do to change that habit, some behaviors that could replace it, etc. Your list of better habits includes:

• hitting publish right after you create it,
• establishing a rule of no editing more than 30 minutes,
• talking to people and asking them why they’d buy what you create,
• repeating loving affirmations to overturn your damaging mindset

“What you notice immediately is that some of these ideas address the symptom and some of them the cause. ”

For example, when your head hurts, you can take a pill for temporary relief, but if it hurts every day, you go to the doctor so they can treat the underlying cause. And same goes for your perfectionism and its underlying cause. If you only "treat" perfectionism, the underlying cause will manifest in other ways. 

On the other hand you also notice that some of your ideas go so deep, that they can probably fix some other problematic habits that you have. With the loving affirmations (or whatever your alternative is), they might not just help your perfectionism, but also boost your confidence and make you share your work more, not to mention create with more zest and more flow.

Basically, if you attack the root cause, you’ll be more successful and your “treatment” will last longer. Also, if most of your bad habits stem from the same 3 core challenges that you have, then you just have to address those, instead of coming up with a million different solutions to just 3 problems.

Finally, some habits are indeed more powerful than others and can just overturn everything. Some habits are so powerful, they trigger major change.

And those are the tipping habits. So lets start there. 

My 2 major tipping habits.

• Learning to create every day and—
• Loving affirmations

On one hand, learning to create every single day completely removed my self-consciousness around my writing and there was no more writer’s block. There was also no perfectionism because I wrote so much I didn’t have the energy to be precious about my sentences or anything that didn’t matter. Also, writing every day improved my skill and gave me confidence to do it even more.

Who knew one little habit could change everything?!

I also do loving affirmations, which means:

1. Repeating a statement to yourself that is loving.
2. Reacting kindly when things go wrong.

“Think of it as planting a cheerleader in your brain to negate, and eventually become louder than, your inner critic.”

You can repeat affirmations:

• when you meditate 
• just as you fall asleep
• when you wake in the morning
• when you do something repetitive
• as you wait in queues
• etc.

When you repeat "loving affirmations," you're accessing that part of your brain that forms your beliefs, so your new beliefs can override the old ones.

You can also REACT in a more positive way, and I don't mean the situation, but to yourself. We tend to be very hard on ourselves and beat ourselves up, and this eventually corrodes our confidence and creates all kinds of limitations. Instead, you can build the habit of being kind to yourself whenever possible, which, in time, is going to override your critic's malevolent influences.

Being kind to yourself is the best habit, ever.

For example:

You suck! - can become - You rock!

You're so slow! - can become - You're doing great, keep at it!

Ah, you fucked it up. - can become - It's OK, we'll do better next time. 

And so on...

TAKE ACTION.

1. To negate a limiting belief, pick one affirmation that a) feels amazing and b) addresses your core fear/challenge.

2. Then focus on it every chance you get – for me it's mostly before I fall asleep (I explain why here) and when I meditate.

3. The more you do it, the easier it becomes.

“Picking a strong affirmation that addresses your core fear will change everything because it works on such a deep level that it overturns your limiting beliefs & mindsets.”

And it happens pretty quickly. This one time it took me only 3 days to already feel better after starting my night affirmation. It was so powerful that my brain went from thinking awful things about me to being more compassionate. 

One of my tipping affirmations:

I deserve to be happy and successful.

The wording of your affirmation matters a LOT because your brain just accepts the words you throw at it. And the more you repeat them, the more it believes you. Which means that you cannot throw any negatives at it, ever. Even if it's something that makes sense, like "I'm not worried about money," your brain is going to hear "worried" repeated to it, and that's the word that'll stick. 

You may feel weird repeating things to yourself that are not 100% true (they probably are, but you don't believe them) at first, but trust me, your overall mood will shift to a more positive level, you'll operate on a higher frequency and attract amazing things, and finally, your own bad mindsets will no longer be in your way. Because they will be replaced by better, healthier mindsets.

So, the reasons for my wording are:

1. My core fear is that I don't deserve things.
2. Happy is just as important as successful, and now I’m focusing on the balance because previously I acted like successful was not a part of happiness, but actually it’s a very big part of it.

“If you want to find your tipping affirmation, make sure it addresses your biggest creative fear/core challenge.”

And make sure you include your current priority/goal in there because if you don’t, you won’t get the results you want. So if your goal is to complete a project but you can’t because you get bored, go ahead and explore WHY you get bored, and then use the answers and the words that come back to you.

(Just don't use any negatives because then you'll just get negative.)

Now let's answer some key questions:

1. When it comes to creativity, what scares you the most? What are some of the biggest fears that run through your head as you create, as you share your creations, and as you think about your creative dreams?
2. What is your current goal? What's the most important thing you have to do right now? (Choose immediate over ultimate.)
3. Is there anything from your Lesson 3 lists that raises red flags?
4. What could you do right now that could potentially tackle those fears, get you those results, and become a better/tipping habit?
5. What kind of wording can you use (in your affirmations, quotes on the wall, etc.) to keep the limiting beliefs at bay?

And finally, I want to ask you to do something difficult:

Pick ONE affirmation and stick with it for a while. Or pick ONE tipping habit and stick with it for a while before you work on another one. Think of it as a habit - it will take some time to solidify, which means you can't change it every day or use a ton of affirmations, or else your brain will get confused.

This is why I pick my wording very carefully and why I focus on tipping habits, because you need to devote some time to each, if you really want them to work.

Step 3: How do I know if it's tipping or not?

Good question, smarty pants!

I would say that you can never know for sure, but here's what I know:

When you do something to change a really bad mindset that you have, whatever you do will be a tipping habit. If you meet your biggest fear half way, it's going to be a tipping habit. Basically, anything that goes DEEP within your psyche has a tipping potential because it doesn't just treat the symptom.

It treats the cause. :)

All of those bad habits and mindsets have their origin points in your brain, so  it make sense to get to the source, as they say.

Another way to make sure it's a tipping habit is - if it makes you feel good, exponentially good, then it's a tipping habit/affirmation. For example, when I choose affirmations for my "loving meditation," I don't just go with anything, but rather, I try a few and whichever makes me feel good, that's the winner.

“If you get an emotional reaction to your loving affirmation, a positive one, that’s a guarantee that it’s the right one. ”

And finally, just try something! You're not going to figure things out by thinking about them, but by doing and trying and experimenting. Fortune may favor the brave, but life favors DOERS. For those of us who stand still, frozen in terror, there will be no treasures and no rewards and no progress.

Those things are reserved for the action takers. 

Story.

Listen to this story about how a tiny habit turned HUGE in time.

This is how a tiny - and rather silly but honorable - habit turned into a big one. I have always struggled with being consistent and after doing the same thing at the same time every day for 300 days, I have finally learned how to be consistent in my work as well. All thanks to the kitties. <3

P.S. Let me know how you're getting on in the comments. :)

Lesson 6:

Making Habits Stick

Uhm...

You thought we were done, didn't you?

Well, what good are better habits if we can't sustain them? What's the point of having the best habits if they're going to last more than a week, eh?

So today I want to help you make sure they do. :)

1. You gotta push.

Remember those breathing exercises? Now push, puuuuuuuush.

Sustaining habits is pretty much like giving birth to an idea. First you get that moment of clarity - your water breaking - and then the resistance comes - where are the keys, honey?  - but when you overcome the resistance and your natural instinct to push comes in, you're all good. The hard part is pushing yourself to get to that moment where it just starts flowing out of you.

Unfortunately, you pretty much have to push against your resistance every single time. Until it becomes easier, then easier, and then one day you're not even thinking about it. Our goal is to get you to that day. 

There is no "hack" or trick that will help you sustain your better habits.

It's going to be a lot of pushing and pulling (except there won't be a baby trying to snuggle back into you). You're going to feel the resistance all the time. And you'll have to catch yourself and remember WHY you're doing this.

• Why do you want better creative habits? 
• Why is this important to you?
• Why do you want to stop being a perfectionist/etc.?
• Imagine how it feels when you're on the other side of your challenge. How does it feel having overcome it? 

It'd be really helpful to have your reason somewhere you can see it.

Put it on your desktop, your ceiling, your mirror... and keep it there until your habit sticks. Until one day you look at it and realize you'd forgotten all about it and you were successful. Until then, keep it where you can see it.

I think a big reason for us not being able to keep our resolutions is because we don't have our motivations visible. You can't just self-motivate forever. And if your motivation is not strong enough, then you might as well not try.

View fullsize

Have you seen Gretchen Rubin's "four tendencies quiz"?

It's amazing! It tells you what your personality type is and how that makes it easier or harder for you to motivate yourself. Naturally, I'm the rebel personality. 

2. It takes 30 days.

Science says it only takes about 30 days for a habit to stick. So if you can sustain it for that long, you're golden. Habits are great because they just kinda run by themselves, without you having to think about them or control them... but first you have to solidify the habit. 30 days, baby.

A lot of creatives achieve that by starting 30 day or 365 day projects.

If you can do the same thing every single day for that long, then it shows how bad you want it. It shows your annoying monkey mind and inner critic who's THE BOSS - you are! It shows how committed you are to improving your life. And it shows how serious you are about your craft, how important it is to you, and how you're ready to show up for it every day and eat that sh*t sandwich. 

(Liz Gilbert says every dream has a sh*t sandwich attached to it.)

The beautiful thing is, the more you do 30 day projects, the easier they become. It's a great exercise in consistency, if that's your core challenge.

So go ahead and look for a challenge that runs for 30 (or more) days!

National Novel Writing Month happens every November, and a million writers all over the world attempt to write 50K words in 1 month.

The 100 Day Project is a global art project where artists from all over the world create something every day for 100 days and share it on Instagram under #the100dayproject.

365 Project is for photographers and works on the same principle, except you upload a photo every day for a year!

 

And even though some of these challenges begin at specific dates, you can always decide when YOUR challenge is going to start. Or look for people who want to do it with you. Or Google alternatives. 

3. Don't break the chain.

The same thing always happens...

I start a new book or decide to write a chapter every day for a month (especially during November for National Novel Writing Month) and I keep going pretty steady for the first couple of weeks. But then the minute I fall behind or feel like I don't want to write, it gets so hard to put words down on that paper.

So one day I decide, it's not a big deal, I'll catch up the next day.

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

This is where you break the chain! If you break your habit for even one day, trust me, you won't be able to go back to it. Your brain will try to trick you into thinking it's not a big deal, you'll catch up, but nobody ever catches up.

So figure out a way to keep up your habit every day.

If it helps, set alarms. Or ask a friend to check on you. Or buy one of those annoying apps that asks you for money when you break your promise.

Do whatever it takes to stick to the daily habit. 

And if you do break the chain, maybe accidentally, maybe not, don't be hard on yourself and get back to it. The minute you get hard on yourself your brain stops wanting to create, so shrug and forgive yourself, and go back to creating. That's why I've been able to do 40 days of #100DaysofFlashFiction, so far. 

4. Try this "hack."

If you're just as much a rebel as I am, it's difficult to keep any habit you're not totally crazy about... whether you're supposed to keep yourself accountable or someone else is. And no matter how hard you want to keep your new, better habit, it always fizzles out, along with your attention span.

*oooh what does this button dooo*

Which is why I'm going to give you my "hack" - it's a tool called focusmate where you get to work alongside someone else and you both see each other through your cameras, so cheating is really hard to do. Basically, I feel so guilty when I know someone's watching me, that I just do whatever I said I would do for that "session," and you can try it with one of your new habits.

For example, you can schedule a virtual coworking session every day on focusmate, at the same time, and you can do whatever you promised yourself to do at that time because then there's no escaping it. You can do this until your habit solidifies, it's really helped me so much to become better at being consistent and completing things, two challenges I have struggled with in the past, and I still do 2-4 sessions every day, so I'm up to 100.

Hopefully, I'll see ya there. :)

GOOD LUCK!!!

I am so proud of you, for all the work you've done, for your commitment to your creativity, and for doing the work to make your new habits stick.

It would mean the world to me if you told me if this course helped you!

Just fill out the form below with your feedback. 

Congratulations on completing the course!

Wheeeeeeee, you did it!!!

You did some hard work throughout this entire course, and I am so proud of you for showing up for yourself, your dream, and your future.

Before you go, please leave feedback below because I want not only to improve this course, but to also improve any future courses I create for creative rebels. Thank you. :)

And finally... 

If you need more help, apply for Coaching for Creative Rebels.

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Thank you for being on this journey with me. :)